Understanding Their Sacrifices

Special to Veterans Advantage

	Barbara V. Romberg, Ph.D. is a licensed clinical psychologist and the founder and president of Give an Hour

Blue Star Families recently released the results of an online survey of 2,796 military family members. The respondents of the survey represented a diverse sample of military family members from all branches of the service and regions of the country, as well as overseas installations. While the results of this survey provide a great deal of important information about life in our military community, one finding was particularly concerning.

In addition to asking military family members to rate national and military life issues and services affecting them, this survey asked respondents to indicate whether they agreed with the following statement:

“The general public (i.e., civilians without close ties to the military) does not truly understand or appreciate the sacrifices made by service members and their families.”

Ninety-four percent of those who answered the survey indicated that they “agreed” with this statement. Seventy-three percent reported that they “completely agreed” with the statement. To read the executive summary of the Military Life Issues survey in its entirety, you can visit the Blue Star Families Web site at www.bluestarfam.org.

Over the past eight years 1.9 million men and women have deployed to Iraq and Afghanistan, and more than 550,000 of them have been deployed more than once. A conservative estimate suggests that at least 10 individuals are directly affected by each service member’s deployment and reintegration, including spouses, parents, siblings, grandparents, unmarried partners, and children. Well over 800,000 of those deployed are parents with dependent children at home. In addition to the over 31,000 troops who have experienced physical injuries, hundreds of thousands have suffered the invisible wounds of war including post-traumatic stress and traumatic brain injuries. Finally, over 5,000 Americans have died in Iraq and Afghanistan since the fighting began, leaving thousands of family members suffering from the loss of a loved one.

Sadly, our military families do not feel that we in the civilian community understand the impact that war has on them nor do they believe we appreciate the pain and suffering they endure. As a civilian who has spent the past four years working to develop a comprehensive system of care for those who serve, I would have to say that I agree with this perception. I am frequently dismayed when a journalist asks me why so many of our returning troops are suffering from post-traumatic stress or why divorce rates and suicide rates are on the rise. I am equally surprised when individuals ask why organizations like Give an Hour™ should step up to provide free mental health services for those who serve our country when the VA and DoD offer such care as part of the “benefit” of military service.

Fortunately, today most Americans genuinely respect our service men and service women—and want to support them. Most Americans are able to separate the warrior from the war. We applaud the military personnel who stand to be recognized at sporting events, and we buy yellow magnets to place on our cars. But do most Americans understand what it is like to live in a constant state of vigilance and fear, to struggle to come to terms with the aftermath of a fire fight, to suffer the loss of a limb or develop flashbacks and panic attacks? No, most do not. The problem is not so much that we in the civilian community have little to draw upon in order to relate to these horrific experiences; the problem is more that we fail to understand what we can about the experiences of these men, women, and families who do so much and ask so little in return. We don’t educate ourselves and we don’t acknowledge our ignorance.

How did our country arrive here? After World War II our returning servicemen came home to a grateful nation. They were welcomed into our communities and became the leaders of our country. But cultural, philosophical, and political factors resulted in a very different response following the Vietnam War. Our country was traveling through a turbulent time, and veterans—many of whom were drafted into the war—felt blamed and shunned by the larger community upon their return. Once the war ended and the protests faded, we were unable to repair the damage and bridge the divide that had developed between civilian and military communities. Neither side seemed interested in reaching out, and both developed misconceptions and biases against the other. As a result, distrust developed and an attitude of “us against them” set in.

This division—though not particularly healthy for our country—was tolerable and manageable during peacetime. But it is not acceptable during wartime. At this moment our country needs to come together to support the men, women, and families who bear the burden of this fight. If we don’t, those who serve will be without the support they need and deserve, and our communities will loose the opportunity to welcome home, honor, and nurture our next generation of leaders.

Fortunately, there are signs that our citizens wants to unite to support and care for those who serve. While our military families may not yet feel the change, those of us who are observing and working to create it are encouraged. Over the last eight years, a number of community-based organizations have sprung up in response to the growing needs within our military communities. While some of these wonderful organizations are similar to the traditional veterans service organizations—founded and staffed by former military personnel or family members—many are civilian founded and community based. In addition, more veterans service organizations, such as Student Veterans of America, TAPS, and the Iraq Star Foundation, look to partner with civilian-based organizations to collaborate and more effectively fill gaps and provide care for those who serve. In addition, many organizations such as Be the Change, AARP, Civic Enterprises, and Give an Hour™ are creating initiatives specifically focused on uniting the civilian nonprofit sector with our military community.

Perhaps the most encouraging sign that change is on the way is the clear indication of leadership coming out of the White House on this issue. On May 28 First Lady Michelle Obama and Dr. Jill Biden invited leaders from approximately two dozen organizations to join them and their staffs for a conversation about how best to engage our country in the support and care of the men, women, and families who serve. Those invited represented veterans service organizations as well as community-based and service-oriented organizations. The meeting lasted for four hours and was an amazing exchange of ideas and information.

Mrs. Obama has made it clear that she is committed to our military families. She understands that our country is failing to meet the needs of these deserving men, women, and families. Her leadership is sorely needed and greatly appreciated. It will allow us to move toward a new relationship—one that encourages communication and mutual respect. One that facilitates the kind of understanding and appreciation that we as a nation must provide to those who serve in our armed forces.

Give an Hour, providing free mental health services to military personnel and their loved ones, at www.giveanhour.org.

Editors Note:Give an Hour is a strategic partner of Veterans Advantage. Learn more about our partnership with Give an Hour.

Veterans Advantage is also hosting a special online PTSD Transition Center for its members, with customized news and resources to help in this vital area.