Helping Military Families through the Holidays and Every Day

Barbara Van Dahlen, Ph.D. is a licensed clinical psychologist and the founder and president of Give an Hour

Special to Veterans Advantage

The holiday season is upon us. It is a time to be with family and friends—a time to give thanks for what we have, whom we have, and the future we see ahead. There are traditions to follow, blessings to count, parties to attend, and sales to shop. It is a time to search for the perfect gift for that special someone and to open our wallets to assist those in need. Our children love the magic of the season, and every year we delight in bringing it to them. Indeed, there is much to enjoy during this time of year—if our families are healthy, our relationships are solid, and our jobs are secure.

For many, however, the holidays can be painful and even excruciating. People whose lives are unsettled or unstable, those who are facing a crisis or dealing with a significant loss, those who are unemployed or homeless—they do not experience the joy of the season. Indeed, the images that bombard us during this time of year remind those who struggle of what they don’t have and what they have lost. In addition, anyone who has known the pain of depression or the distress of anxiety knows how difficult this time of year can be.

Tragically, some of our military personnel will struggle this holiday season:  with physical injuries they sustained in combat or invisible wounds, such as post-traumatic stress and traumatic brain injuries, that can overwhelm and devastate their lives. In addition, our military community will again feel the strain of celebrating the season while so many of their loved ones are in harm’s way.

A recent study reported in USA Today (November 26, 2010) indicates that one group of soldiers seems to be at particular risk right now: members of our National Guard who are currently not on active duty. Army statistics indicate that the number of suicides among these soldiers is nearly twice as high in 2010 than during the prior year. Eighty-six non-active-duty guardsmen killed themselves in the first ten months of 2010 compared with forty-eight suicides within this group in all of 2009.

The specific reason for the increase in suicides among our “citizen soldiers” is not clear. Officials in the Pentagon who are working to stem the tide of suicide within the army suggest a possible link to the recession. An investigation of the factors affecting the National Guardsmen who committed suicide during 2010 indicates that many were facing stressful financial situations such as home foreclosures, debt, and unemployment. Typically we also see factors such as depression, difficulties in relationships, substance abuse, post-traumatic stress, and traumatic brain injuries playing a significant role in a service member’s suicide.

The Departments of Defense and Veterans Affairs are doing a tremendous amount to address the rise in suicides within the military. Indeed, it appears that the number of suicides among active duty soldiers is leveling off, after a steady increase over the last several years. In addition, the VA reports that its participation in the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (1-800-273-TALK (8255)) has been utilized by thousands and that this effort has reached countless individuals who may have attempted suicide had they not called the number above.

Still, too many of our service members are suffering. Many have been adversely affected by repeated deployments, and chronic stress has become a common experience for too many of those who serve and their families. A significant number of children within military families—those age 8 and under—have only known a time of war. As a result, we are seeing an increase in behavioral difficulties among the youngest members of the military community. Some of these children have only known parents who are away from home for up to a year at a time; others have only known parents who struggle with painful injuries—visible and invisible—upon their return.

Clearly, this is a challenging time for those who serve our country and for those who love them. I know I wasn’t the only American who held her breath as news of the bombing of South Korean by its northern neighbor unfolded just before the Thanksgiving holiday. Our military is already stretched so thin. We certainly can’t afford to be pulled into another conflict. And yet, as Americans, we would step up to protect one of our allies. We would honor our commitment.

Since September 11, 2001, our military community has shouldered a tremendous responsibility. Over 2 million have deployed to Iraq and Afghanistan, and many of these men and women have completed multiple tours.  Given the nature of our world today, it is likely that we will continue to look to our military to protect, to serve, and to sacrifice.

What can individuals and communities do during this holiday season to support and assist those who serve and their families, especially when our nation is struggling to emerge from a recession? While unemployment remains high, communities are feeling the strain, and many people are in need, resources are scarce.

Despite the recession, there is much each of us can do to assist the military community, honor the sacrifices made, and provide the support needed as our troops and their families return to our neighborhoods, our schools, and our places of worship. To assist and honor those who have given so much and asked so little, we must start with a very small but critical step.  We must educate ourselves about the issues that affect those who serve and the needs that follow them home from war.

By educating ourselves, we can become better listeners, better employers, better neighbors, and better friends. Once we are better educated, we will be more likely to reach out to military families in our neighborhoods and our communities. We might offer to help the young wife of a deployed soldier as she tries to hang lights for the holidays—or offer to assist her with other tasks such as shopping, or raking leaves, or shoveling snow, or caring for her kids. Similarly, we will be more likely to ask our coworker if she would like to have lunch to discuss changes in the company that occurred during her deployment. Education encourages us to access our compassion, and it leads to greater comfort and interest—all critical elements in assisting those coming home.

In addition to educating ourselves about the understandable consequences of war, community-based organizations must learn to collaborate more effectively. There are many great organizations doing very good work across the country, but all too often we are unaware of complementary or compatible efforts down the street or across the city. By reaching out to others, by pooling resources, by sharing information we can more effectively support those in need of care. This must be a long-term endeavor, but we can start now. We can each take the time to think about the organizations we participate in and look for opportunities to coordinate care to better serve military families.

Through education and coordination of care we can improve the holidays—and the lives—of those families who serve our country. During this special time of year, take a moment to notice those in uniform, at the airport or at the shopping mall. Take a moment to thank them for their service and show them the appreciation and recognition they deserve during the holiday season and every day of the year.

Give an Hour, providing free mental health services to military personnel and their loved ones, at www.giveanhour.org.

Editors Note: Give an Hour is a strategic partner of Veterans Advantage. Learn more about our partnership with Give an Hour.

Veterans Advantage is also hosting a special online PTSD Transition Center for its members, with customized news and resources to help in this vital area.